It’s hot outside! Emotions are running rampant! Does anyone else feel like crying right now?
I feel like I have a heightened self-awareness once the weather peaks. A sweltering heat is a reminder of the world and body we each live in. It’s in the sweat drop that runs down my back or in the mental haze after I stay in the sun a little too long. What do we do with this extra time, daylight, and emotion?
The start of summer also marks the start of Cancer season, a sign infamous for being emotional. And what release coincided with the beginning of both seasons? Charli xcx’s “girl, so confusing” remix with Lorde.
I listened to this remix before 8 am, noise canceling headphones on during my morning walk, and in typical Cancer season fashion, I did tear up a little on the first listen. Maybe a lot!
In my social circles, I’ve been talking about VOSP, a framework for conflict resolution that a friend, a grade school teacher, introduced to me. The overview is: venting your feelings, owning up to your actions, putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, and making a plan for how to move forward after the conversation. Despite the target usage being a bunch of fourth graders, I think there’s much to be taken away from this!
Charli and Lorde working it out on the remix is essentially them VOSPing. In confiding with each other, they release the tension that mounted from things unspoken. They share their thoughts and insecurities about their relationship with each other and with themselves. They debrief their experience of girlhood, in which they’ve been pitted against each other as rivals more so than peers, and the toll of being fixated with image and perception.
In particular, these lyrics of Lorde’s verse sent me into a spiral: “And it’s just self defense / Until you’re building a weapon / She believed my projection / And now I totally get it.” What is the cost of hiding behind a facade? Is it weak to have demons? If I show someone else, will they understand? Being vulnerable is a trust fall, hoping the other person will catch you even with the baggage you hold.
So far, my year has been filled with life changing social interactions, both positive and negative, some funny in a haha way and some funny in an absurd way. It’s made me think a lot about communication—the times we hurt each other without meaning to, the ways our actions can be misconstrued, and the moments when we choose to be honest and when we choose to withhold. How do we own up to impact without intentionality, and how do I live to be my truest self even with the fear of misunderstanding?
But I also must remember, isn’t friendship about the grace we give each other when we’re at our lowest? Maybe it’s not so much about hiding for the fear of being judged or misunderstood, and more so about having trust that despite differences, others will still lift you back up.
In Lorde’s last lines of the song, she concludes with a promise: “I'm glad I know how you feel / 'Cause I ride for you, Charli.”
Songs I’ve Been Thinking About A Lot:
“The girl, so confusing remix with Lorde” by Charli xcx
“Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappell Roan
“Everything is Embarrassing” by Sky Ferreira
“false self” by WILLOW
Crazy year we’re having, am I right? Stay well <3
You can read my previous post here: Aries Season Interlude.
You can find me on Twitter here and Instagram here. If you enjoyed this, please share with others (maybe a specific part if something resonated) and subscribe if you haven’t yet.
I <3 YOU